


in every angel

by thisissirius



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Bargaining, M/M, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-26 00:17:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13224219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisissirius/pseuds/thisissirius
Summary: “He knew exactly what I was.” Magnus lets magic dance against his fingers, eyes revealed in all their glory. He gives Lilith every touch of warlock he has. “He loved me because of every inch of demon within me, not in spite of it.”





	in every angel

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Janusa](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Janusa/gifts).



> written for janusa as part of the shadowhunters beta winter exchange. i went with the mythology prompt, but managed to add in the quote as well! i hope it works for you :)
> 
> happy holidays <3
> 
> special thanks to the tothebitterend for the beta :)

 

> _"He was the first to recognize me and to love what he saw." - Jane Eyre_
> 
>  
> 
>  

The pentagram glows bright.

A wicked mouth smiles around the words, “Magnus Bane.”

Magnus closes his eyes, feels power thrum beneath his skin and regrets what he’s doing, the only thing he _can_ do. “I need your help.”

Warlock Lore is studied by every High Warlock. Magnus knows everything about the history of his people, tracing lineage back millenia, and he knows the woman before him is the reason they exist in the world at all.

Lilith, mother of all Warlocks.

“Tell me, Magnus,” Lilith says, eyes boring into him. Magnus feels as though she could flay him apart if she wanted to. “What could drive someone to want _my_ help.”

This Magnus can do.

“Asmodeus took something from me.” There’s a burning emptiness in his chest, and Magnus tries his best not to focus on it.

At mention of Asmodeus, Lilith’s eyes darken a fraction, her mouth twists in disgust. “That doesn’t concern me.”

“It could,” Magnus says, words tasting like ash. It goes against everything he is to plead for help from a Greater Demon for the second time in as many days. Somewhere in the depths of his house, Clary and Izzy are all cried out, curled up together on one of the spare beds. Jace is out in the city, fighting his way through grief. Magnus is here, calling Lilith forth in the worst kind of plea for help. “You hate my father more than me.”

Lilith’s eyebrow raises. “Perhaps,” she allows. “Speak.”

Magnus lets the darkness in his heart unfurl, tilting his chin and looking Lilith down. “As with most Greater Demons, my father demanded payment for escape from Edom.”

There’s something like interest in Lilith’s face.

Magnus hooks her; “There is a cost, he told me, for leaving his realm.”

“His?” Lilith’s eyes flash. _They’re like snakes_ , Tessa told him once, and Magnus can agree. Lilith is dangerous, from her eyes to her tone. “Asmodeus is _nothing_ , and I curse the very day he was given governance over a realm that should have been _mine_.”

Saying nothing, Magnus lets the rage simmer in her, cultivating the anger and despair in himself.

Pacing the length of the pentagram, Lilith’s long fingers tap against her arm. When her eyes meet Magnus’, he doesn’t hesitate to hold her gaze. “What did he take from you?”

Magnus opens his mouth, closes it. He doesn’t know how to answer, how to make himself form the words. He wants to close his eyes, to imagine a familiar face, a familiar touch, but if this doesn’t work, it would be too much like torture. It’s enough that he has to live forever, has to _remember_ forever. “His name was Alec Lightwood.”

If Lilith is surprised, she doesn’t show it. Not even a ripple across her face. “A shadowhunter.”

“ _My_ shadowhunter,” Magnus says immediately, tone hard. He imagines the ghost of Alec’s touch, forgiving him for this, for _everything_. “He gave his life to save mine.”

“Noble,” Lilith says, disdain dripping from the word.

“He knew exactly what I was.” Magnus lets magic dance against his fingers, eyes revealed in all their glory. He gives Lilith every touch of _warlock_ he has. “He loved me _because_ of every inch of demon within me, not in spite of it.”

Lilith’s mouth quirks. “Appealing to my vanity?”

“No,” Magnus says, the very thought abhorrent. Lilith knows nothing of the love he has for Alec, could never understand it. She knows possession, obsession, _want_. She is so very much like Camille that Magnus, not for the first time, wonders whether Camille should have been born a warlock. “Appealing to the part of you that hates my father enough to take something back from him.”

“That,” Lilith says slowly, “is certainly of interest to me. Though,” she warns, “I am a Greater Demon. I won’t do something for nothing.”

“Of course not,” Magnus mutters. “Price?”

Lilith stares at him for a long, long time. “Asmodeus knows as well as I what fuels this realm.”

Magnus waits her out. His hope fades a little. There is little else Lilith can take from him that would fuel Edom as much as a lifetime mourning Alec would.

Something wicked settles on Lilith’s face, though, Magnus thinks, there's also something close to sympathy. “Immortality.”

“My life,” Magnus says, understanding. 400 years is a long time to relive. 400 years in the span of minutes.

Lilith gives him a knowing look.

“I’ll die.” Magnus feels selfish in the moment, wants to agree. Alec’s life will be shorter than his, his grief finite.

The laugh that Lilith lets out sends a shiver down Magnus’ spine. “Perhaps,” she agrees. “If Asmodeus was the one to take your life.”

Magnus barely believes the hope that flares in him.

“All warlocks belong to me,” Lilith says, and though part of Magnus knows it to be narcissism talking, there is truth there too. “I will protect your life; I will give you mortality, give you _life_ , in exchange for the years you have lived and have yet to live.”

 _Yes,_ is on Magnus’ tongue.

Lilith stares. “I do not have time, Magnus Bane. The choice must be made.”

“My immortality-”

“Is a gift,” Lilith says. “As is the thought of taking a child away from Asmodeus, and his most powerful at that. The _pride_ he feels for you.” Lilith’s fingers dance dangerously close to the edge of the pentagram, to Magnus. “Your life will fuel my realm for centuries, and weakens Asmodeus’ power over me.”

“My powers-”

“That,” Lilith says, with a nasty smile, “Is not something I can control.”

It is, Magnus knows, and the thought of losing his powers, his _magic_ , leaves a bad taste in his mouth and he closes his eyes.

“But Alec-”

“Will be returned.”

Magnus opens his eyes, stares straight at Lilith and says, “Okay.”

  
  


Alec touches cold fingers to Magnus’ cheek.

Magnus shivers, turns into them.

“Magnus,” Alec manages, voice raw from disuse. “What did you do?”

Too afraid to do anything but stare at Alec, Magnus curls shaking fingers into Alec’s jacket. It’s still torn and dirty from their trip to Edom. Everything about Alec is just as it was a split second before he disappeared.

 _Izzy wants to see you_ , Magnus should say. _Jace missed you_.

He can’t say any of that, can barely breathe.

“I’m here,” Alec reassures him, presses their foreheads together. “What did you _do_?”

“I called Lilith,” Magnus says, closing his eyes against the judgement he’s afraid he’ll see in Alec’s eyes.

Alec says nothing, but his fingers rest against the back of Magnus’ neck, a reassuring weight.

“I gave her my life.”

A shudder. “Magnus-”

“My immortality,” Magnus explains, and opens his eyes. He can’t define the expression on Alec’s face, can’t understand the acceptance he finds in the way Alec’s fingers brush the nape of his neck. “I gave her 400 years of life, of every year to come.”

“Your magic?” Alec breaths, spare hand tracing the fingers of Magnus’. “Did you lose it?”

In his rush to give up everything to have Alec back, Magnus didn’t consider whether or not Alec would stay if he lost his magic. He didn’t consider what it was that Alec loved about _him_ , just that there was enough love there to make the choice easy. “I don’t know.”

Alec kisses the corner of his mouth, thumb resting on his cheek. “You gave up everything-”

Magnus lets out a soft, wrecked sound. “I need you. I _love_ you.”

“I love you too,” Alec says, voice strong. He leans in, kisses Magnus again. “Whether or not you have magic, whether or not you’re immortal, I will love you.”

Something knocks loose in Magnus’ chest and he sobs, drops his forehead to Alec’s chest. Alec’s arms curl around him, protective and sure. Magnus wants to reach inside of himself for the core of his magic, wants to let it roll over him and prove to himself that he’s still a warlock in everything but immortality, but he’s afraid of what he’ll find.

Alec’s presence is soothing, _strong_ , and Magnus desperately wants to believe that even if he doesn’t have magic, that they’ll find some way to work it out, that Alec won’t abandon him.

“How can you stay if I don’t have magic? Can't be what you need?"

“I once told you that being a shadowhunter is all I have,” Alec tells him, and even if Magnus can’t see his face, he hears the truth in the words. Alec’s fingers touch Magnus’ chin, drawing his head up. “That’s not true anymore.”

Everything he’s not saying hits Magnus in a rush, strong and unyielding; _you’re_ all I have.

“Is that enough?”

“Magnus,” Alec says slowly, hands touching Magnus’ face, holding him as if he’s _everything_. “You’re always going to be enough for me. _Always_.”

Magnus finds the courage to reach within, to test his heart and soul for any hint of magic, but whether or not he finds it, he has Alec. That will be enough, will _always_ be enough. He hates that he feels grateful to Lilith, but one day, perhaps, he will tell her that his immortality could never equal this;

The touch of Alec’s hands, the press of his lips, the weight of his love.


End file.
